The Stars Are Rising
by TheBattyWhiteCrow
Summary: Have you ever read a fanfiction you thought was just, wow, incredible? This isn't about those, this is about the bad ones. And the two people reading them, Winter a Nightmare from Daxaidalle, and Loki, from Asgard. Note - All I want to do is make you laugh, this isn't a realistic depiction of fanfictions in the slightest. Series of one shots, aligned just before Thor I.
1. Ah, Humans

Winter turned, lips pulled back slightly a likable sort of grin to the man entering her doorway. "I've just been in here, laughing like a mad woman, and no one's come to see why." She started silkingly, "I must have the entire place thinking I'm so mad I shall devour them whole if they so much as entered." Winter grinned wider to herself, eyes flashing with laughter. Her long white hair twisted into her beautiful features as she shifted in the plainly uncomfortable chair, the room about her consisting of a total of two of such chairs, a desk, a vanity, and finally a bookshelf.

As was quite typical of Asgard inns, you see.

"Yes, Yayl mentioned something along those lines." The dark haired man answered sarcastically as he nodded his head out the doorway. Where just down the hall, Yayl spoke with a vast array of people, as were the tasks of an Innkeeper. "Why ARE you laughing constantly?" Loki inquired curiously, folding his hands behind his back absently, comfortably standing in the doorway.

"Two words." Winter answered with a smug sort of smile spilling across her features mischievously.

"Fan." Winter held up one finger in a raised hand, counting out the words deliberately slow, "Fiction." She finished, as if that answered all questions the clueless man could have ever inquired about.

Loki raised both eyebrows interestedly, "Had too much to drink, I see."

"Nonsense!" Winter waved a hand, adjusting in her seat eagerly, "It's a real thing!" She elaborated, eyes resting upon him for a long moment as if she expected some marvelous reaction. Receiving nothing but a skeptical look, she let out a hefty sigh, "But, hell, you wouldn't know, seeing as you hardly ever go to Earth." She admitted sulkily. "That's the trouble with Asgard, no one seems to understand much on the subject of Earth and it's countless references." Winter continued, resting her booted feet upon the base of the chair, much like a crow does upon landing.

"Midgard." Loki corrected shortly, a bored look upon his features at the mere mention of the rather bland place.

"Gesundheit." Winter nodded her head punctually, swiping downward upon a gleaming device in her hand. Her phone was, in her opinion, a rather intricate feat in of itself. It was set, minute to minute to Midgard, and in particular, a single site. No small feat, she noted to herself as she scrolled absently through a few more fanfictions from some random subject (ah, had she forgotten already?)

"Why would I travel to Midgard? What do they have that I would desire?" Loki gave her a skeptical look, formal to the very stature.

"Mindset of a Asgardian, I have to say." Winter shot at him over the top of the phone, before resting the device upon the cluttered desk of random objects, "Regardless," She continued, lying a hand upon her heart dramatically, "Teacher Winter shall elaborate upon this confusing subject for you, your highness." She mocked a curtsy flourish from where she sat, grinning widely before continuing scholarly, "Fanfiction is a written story taking the characters from one story humans have seen, and starting a whole new written piece about them. Often," Winter chuckled softly, "In hilarious circumstances."

"Sounds dull." Loki answered smartly, "Don't they have something better to do?"

"No, no this is pretty much it." Winter nodded thoughtfully, "This, some work, some school, some sleep. It's an eventful life, I'm told." Shrugging playfully, Winter shot Loki a knowing look, "Besides, you think anything that doesn't have anything to do with you is dull."

"This is true." He acknowledged with a charming sort of grin. Winter shot him an exaggeratedly bored look, complete with head roll as she shortly stuck out her tongue at him, "Well, good news for you then, because there's a fair deal about Asgard on here." She motioned to the phone upon the cluttered desk. The desk itself was piled so high with random artifacts that in a mere mentioning of itself, it took to speaking quite loudly, doing so by dropping a small amount of trinkets onto one another.

"And just how did the Midgardians manage that?" Loki narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but couldn't hold up the hostile appearance for long, as he was quite simply, to appreciative of a good trick.

"Give me SOME credit." Winter waved a dissmissive hand as if they spoke of silly, childish matters, "Found a good writer, 'borrowed' her, brought her here. Showed her about a bit, lurked in some corners. It was 'awesome' I am told."

"How did you manage her past Heimdall?"

"I've long since given up on sneaking things past that man." Winter admitted with a thoughtful shrug, "Pretty sure he has x-ray vision, to be honest, so you may want to wear another layer when you're traveling." Winter jokingly cautioned with a stern finger shake before a grin spread across her features, "He was in on it." She finished obviously.

Loki raised both eyebrows, surprise written across his face, but hell, who could really say? She knew of at least two games where he'd attempt to deceive using mere expressions alone, and truthfully, he often won. "And he let her in?" He inquired.

"Why shouldn't he?" Winter frowned, "She's no threat," She assured with an innocent smile, "I told him she was my guest here, and I'd keep an eye on her. No harm, no foul."

"Midgardians do not belong on Asgard." He scolded, actually believing himself, apparently. Ah, the division between Asgardians and Midgardians was beyond her. Truthfully, they were all aliens, even if one WAS a bit more 'advanced' than the other.

Though, to be fair, she couldn't rightfully say one was more 'advanced' if they walked about with spears, sticks, and swords to defend themselves.

"Oh, shut your sarcastic face." Winter scolded jokingly, "Most of the stuff here's about you, anyway. She's put up a fair deal in the past few hours." Winter raised the phone tantalizingly, the screen adorn with an infinate number of words tempting the eye. "Don't even act like you don't want to read it.." She teased sing songingly.

"Is there more about me than Thor?" Loki peered interestedly at the flickering screen.

"Hundreds more." Winter confided daringly.

"She does have good taste," Loki admitted, stepping into the room further, "I am intrigued to see what her depiction of me is."

"Nice excuse." Winter smirked, scrolling through the pages upon the small, smooth device's bright screen, "Pull up a chair," Winter informed him with a smart look over top of the device, a smile upon her lips, as she tapped softly a story marked, 'A Sweet Taste'

"This'll take a while."

\- Author's Notes -

Here's how this is going to work. If you have a fanfiction idea / prompt you'd like to send me, do so through pm. I will NOT, however, accept short excerpts from fake fanfictions for this story. Simply because Loki and Winter will be VERY cruel and humorous towards it, and I don't care if you've consented to that or not, I just don't feel comfortable with it.

These characters are from Same Story Different Fools, but this is a stand alone, one shot series that's basically designed to make you laugh. Nothing else. But hey, if you want a real story, go check out Same Story Different Fools, I'd really appreciate it.

Finally, again, these are NOT accurate depictions of fanfictions, (of course!) PLEASE do not treat them as such! These 'fanfictions' are for comedic effect ONLY, and as a fanfiction writer myself, I know how much time and effort goes into each and every writing piece. This is NOT meant to be offensive!

I do not own Thor, if I did, we'd have seen Loki without a shirt by now. I do own Winter, though.


	2. A Sweet Taste

"This one looks fairly highly reviewed, so I suppose it's a good place to start. The story is called 'A Sweet Taste'." Winter shot the screen a rather skeptical look, peering past the flickering phone balanced upon her palm to Loki, who'd settled himself cross legged on her bed peering over her shoulder curiously, "Sounds oddly sexual." She noted shortly with a look of suspicion dancing across her prepared to be disgusted features.

"How so?" He raised both eyebrows, mocking ignorance to the topic.

"Can't put my finger on it," Winter joked with a smirk, as she selected and opened the story file with a firm tap of the finger, "But I know for certain you don't have a particular sweet tooth." Winter continued, shooting him a rather 'this won't end well' look.

"By your interesting standards not many Asgardians do." Loki gave a bored sort of shrug, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

As always, actually.

"Fair point." Winter admitted with a mock trivial shrug, "Now, let's see what we have here.." Winter hummed to herself softly, turning the device lengthwise in her palm, the screen shifting within her palm at the movement. "What's that?" Loki frowned, curiously gesturing to a line below the summary upon the top of the page, listing the rather strange sentence centered proudly, 'Rated M'.

"Looks like a rating." Winter contemplated around, an eyebrow quirked at the coded words.

"I understood that much. What does the M stand for?"

"Modest, maybe? Measured? Moderate? Who knows? To be honest, it doesn't seem very important. Otherwise they would have made it more clear." Winter gave a shrug, scrolling further into the story itself, a chapter's worth of words lying before her eyes. Her brow furrowing in soft concentration, eyes studying the strange lettering of the English alphabet, "It.. Ha- Had... Been... A... Go-od... Hmm.. L-.. Long.." Winter managed thoughtfully, her voice drowning into the air painstakingly slowly.

Loki's eye twitched impatiently, with a broken sort of look about him in every maddening sense of the word. It appeared for all the world as if Winter had just suggested he run off and kiss Thor. "You are an astonishingly slow reader!" He complained as if her reading had pained him physically, impatiently snatching the phone himself.

Winter gave a huff, shaking her head with an expressive shrug, "It's English, they couldn't have picked a harder language to translate." She muttered grumpily, crossing her arms, "I can read old Norse, I can read Greek, I can read Nightmarish," She listed tirelessly, "Frankly, it would take hours for me to list all the languages I speak fluently." Winter assured him with a pointed look, "English is simply impossible to decode from the nonsensical, squiggly letters they reside inside, into any sort of common tongue in any time less than an hour a page!"

Loki gave her an unimpressed look over the top of the screen before dropping his eyes to the flickering words, reading effortlessly, "It had been a good long while since-"

"Damn you."

"-Since Winter had arrived-" He continued before looking up with a disappointed frown, "Hmm.. You're in this.." He narrowed his eyes, turning the black clad phone in his hand, "It is a disappointment that there are other people featuring within this story.. But.." Loki supposed aloud, "I suppose a supporting cast is necessary." He concluded thoughtfully.

"Excuse me?" Winter leapt up from the chair, throwing a glare across the room, "Supporting cast my ass! You're the supporting cast!" She threw an accusing finger, "I appeared first, thus, I am clearly the main character!" Winter expressed, plonking onto the bed as she shoved aside the bedding to one corner. Crossing her legs pointedly, she shifted her gaze over his shoulder, to the flickering screen.

"The author felt it necessary to develop a certain level of realism, I'm certain," Loki scoffed as she rested her chin upon his shoulder, eagerly peering at the screen, "Now, let's skip to the good part.." Loki scrolled through the page, skimming the flickering words for his name.

"When YOU appear, you mean." Winter accused.

"You have an objection?" Loki seemed rather shocked to the idea.

"Either read from the beginning, or it's not doing justice to a good story." Winter gave an unamused look, raising both eyebrows bluntly to Loki. "It's a page long, written by a fanatic you dragged to Asgard." He expressed openly, "How could that be a good story?"

"Have you read it?" Winter raised an eyebrow with a smirk dancing across her features, "No?" She answered smartly, "Then you don't know that for certain."

"Very well, let's just see how 'good' this story is. If it's no good, I'm skipping to the parts I'm in." Loki proclaimed, glancing back down at the phone balanced within his palm, reading aloud effortlessly, "It had been a good long while since Winter had first arrived to Asgard, and very little had changed -"

"That's untrue! I cracked the very universe about me when I appeared! I was thought to be an assassin for months afterwards! There were murder attempts, riots!" Winter expressed, exasperated, "Just why am I included in this story, if the author knows nothing about my appearance?" She growled, frustration decorating her annoyed features.

"Are you about done?" Loki asked bluntly, looking over the top of the screen with an annoyed expression.

"No.. But read on."

"Very little had changed, that was, of course, until the subject of her coming birthday came to light-" Loki frowned, lowering the screen as he turned towards Winter questioningly. "Do you even have a birthday?"

"Of course not," Winter scoffed, taken aback, "I'm much too old to recall just what date this host body was born upon. Seems a trivial swatch of information any way, why would anyone really mind such things?"

"Theoretically.."

"Theoretically, I suppose it would be.." Winter started thoughtfully, melodramatically gazing into the crooked rooftop with a wistful glance, "Never." She concluded sharply, "Now, will you just read the damn story?"

"You seem slightly addicted to these, fan fictions. Perhaps it would be wiser if we discontinued."

"Look, either you're reading it aloud, or I am." Winter warned with a deliberate look, "Take your pick."

"-Until the subject of her coming birthday came to light," Loki continued promptly, "It was a rather fascinating concept, and at the very least it provided a well enough reason- Hmm.." He stopped with a puzzled expression, skimming the next series of paragraphs with narrowed eyes.

"Is the phone having a problem reading?"

"No, it looks like the _author's_ having a problem _writing_. This sentence just cuts off, doesn't even end properly. It just jumps into a description of a feast." Loki explained with a scowl.

"Psh," Winter waved a dismissive hand, "You're too picky!" She shrugged her carefree arms with a widening grin dancing across her features, "Just skip to the feast itself, something interesting must happen there, and we can finally get off this single sentence!"

"Won't that ruin the good story?" Loki quoted her with a smart look, giving a cunning sort of smirk.

"That is a risk I am willing to take." Winter deadpanned the decision as if it held deep weight and repercussions.

"And just why is it that I should do as you ask?"

"You're bound to show up in the feast, you know."

"- Winter turned to the man beside her with a grin, 'Well this is a nice little get together, isn't it? Not really my forte, but regardless, even I can appreciate the attempt.' " Loki raised both eyebrows thoughtfully, peering to Winter, "This author imagines that you don't enjoy feasts?"

"Apparently so." Winter blinked, taken aback, "As unfounded as that is."

"It seems that a fair amount of this story is unfounded, I wonder what her sources were.." Loki dismissed the thought, turning the phone slightly as he settled into truly reading the piece of writing, "-'The attempt? Just what does a woman such as you, do for celebrations?' The handsome-" He looked up brightly, "Ooh, I like that, it's about time someone noticed," He grinned widely, shooting Winter a pleased look.

Winter rolled her eyes, shaking her head softly as Loki continued, "-Loki inquired with a prideful grin. 'Well,' Winter supposed thoughtfully, eyes drifting down the man before her-" Loki stopped, shooting Winter a rather teasing grin, inquiring innocently, "Ooh, like what you see, Winter?"

"You're too young for me."

"You look only a few years older than I."

"It's a significant few years."

"We'll see if the story you agrees. Well,' Winter supposed thoughtfully, eyes drifting down the man before her 'It's a matter of.. Opportunity, really' Winter continued, lifting a strawberry from his plate-" Loki frowned, lowering the phone with accusing eyes, concluding aloud with a joking hatred, "I think you just stole from me."

"Oh hell.." Winter blinked in shock, the weight of the depicted scene finally coming into lights, "I think I know what Rated M means now." She muttered aloud, features a rather deep, spreading red.

"What does it mean?" Loki inquired curiously, furrowing his brow in bafflement.

"Just stop, just stop reading." Winter managed, covering her eyes with a hand and willing the story itself to realize it's own faults, and take to spontaneously combust for such. Loki raised an eyebrow, scrolling through the story and skimming the flickering words. Raising her eyes, Winter snatched a hand out, tearing the phone from his interested grip.

"What are you doing?" He complained sharply, "I was reading that!"

"Fixing this." Winter snapped, rising from the bed and quickly dialing numbers onto the touch screen, "This needs to get fixed immediately." Winter concluded aloud, turning her back to Loki's deep glare for the removal of the phone, "Greetings, Lacey!" Winter exclaimed with a mock pleasantness about herself, "Do you recall the favor you asked of me? Well, I started reading some of your stories, it looks like your story, A Sweet Taste requires some improvement. Actually, a lot. I want the entire thing scrapped. Can't be salvaged."

Protests sounded from the other end of the phone, offended upon the idea of a story so disliked by it's subjects, "Well," Winter interrupted with a shrug, "You asked me for my opinion in the stories I feature in, so shut your talking hole and hear it. Because it sure as hell isn't optional any more." Winter growled into the phone with bared teeth, annoyance flooding her as Loki took to trying to snatch the phone back himself. Ducking, Winter spun in evasion, resting her back against his for a moment as she listed the countless issues within the story, "First problem, it's impossible to read, too many broken sentences."

Loki took a step to the side, spinning around in the pursuit of the phone, or rather the story resting upon it. Rolling, Winter slipped past him, rising with a triumphant 'Ha!' in his direction, "Second problem, I don't talk like that." She proclaimed into the phone, her triumphant smile dropping as an army of illusions filled the room, all beaming from ear to ear. "Er, thirdly," Winter supposed slowly, backing up quite the number of paces dreadfully, reaching a hand behind her back for the doorknob of the wilted doorway, "I rather like feasts.."

"What? Me distracted?" Winter gulped as the illusions charged forward, wrenching open the door with a firm hand, Winter bolted down the winding stairs, a stampeding army upon her heels. "Never!" She dismissed, reaching out a hand to catch the edge of the ending column of the stairs, swinging around the sharp turn with momentum as she sprinted out of the rather impressively crammed Inn.

"Where was I? Fourthly, yes, We're not involved, in any way shape or form. I forbid you to depict us as such. I do have a reputation, you know." Winter reminded the midgardian woman as she bolted past a stunned stable master, who's eyebrows raised to the shimmering army half a pace behind a mad woman speaking into a blackened device resting in her palm.

"And lastly, and perhaps most importantly," Winter noted, sliding to a sharp stop, the physical contact with the illusions causing the majority to dispel. With a smirk, Winter bolted in the opposite direction, her footsteps falling over the marketing districts of Asgard, "If I DID take something from Loki's plate, he'd likely cut my hand off." Winter breathed, gnashing her teeth with effort as she leapt from the stone clad ground, flipping into the air she bounced heavily upon the cloth roof of a sturdy stall, landing pleasantly upon a low hanging rooftop of some tavern.

Giving a smart sort of grin, Winter reclined upon the sun baked metal, speaking easily, "No, really. He would. There was some legend where he got into an eating contest with someone, and lost to Logi, the fire, because it ate the table and plates, and he just ate the food. Thing is, there was a mistranslation."

"There was not!" A voice sounded argumentatively behind her, reminding Winter rather adruptly of Loki's newfound ability to teleport short distances.

Damn.

"So says the guy who trademarked the phrase 'Lying.' " Winter added into the phone with a smart look, "I've got to go, I get the sense a chase is about to ensue."

"I'll be in contact, Lacey." Winter added, leaping to her feet, dropping the phone into a pocket pointedly and bounding from the rooftop.


End file.
